Ronald (Ronnie) Lock

Born on 22 June 1954
Passed away on 27 December 2016
Aged 62 years
Eva turned 4 and little Chloe 1! We love and miss you so much. We live on for you. My two girls who will love and always know about you ❤ Your granddaughters who love you and will always know about you. We speak of you all the time. We love and miss you always.
Please choose a Candle
Another Anniversary Vicki and Ronnie sending love to you both. x
Deb gave a flower for Ronald (Ronnie) Lock
Hi dad, I'm sorry I haven't written to you in so long. It's not because I haven't been thinking about you. You are in my thoughts every single day.

I had my little boy. He has your name as his middle name. It breaks my heart that you will never meet him. You would love him so much. He has so much personality. He is always smiling and laughing. I picture you talking to him and playing with him. You were the best pop in the world. Sienna and Eva were so lucky to have you.

I have felt so many mixed emotions lately. I shut all my feelings out while pregnant. It's awful but I wouldn't look at any photos of you.. as soon as I thought of you sick I'd just block it out and stop my mind from replaying images of you over and over in my head. How would it be possible to be excited for new life when my heart had been ripped out? Part of me just jad to block it all out so that I could enjoy my pregnancy and this precious beautiful newborn baby.
In your last days I told myself I had no regrets but my gosh I do. I look back and I was just living my life as normal. Going to work and seeing friends. I was picking up shifts at work and going to work drinks a week before you passed. What was I thinking?! I was obviously in complete denial as I can say I never thought you would lose your battle. I honestly thought you'd make it. How blind I must have been. If ai could go back in time I'd go with you to your appointments, be with you everyday. I took our time together for granted.
I wish I could tell you how much I love you over and over. As a teenager growing up I always found it difficult to say I love you. Not like Rachel who would yell out 5 times before going to sleep each night. I foundit easy saying it to mum but I think you never felt as at ease saying it to us kids. My god if I could go back I'd shout it from the roof tops. I hope you know just how much I did and do love you.
I wish I could go back and talk alone with you in those final hours. Mum asked if we wanted to and I said no. I wish I did talk to you. Hopefully you knew how much I love and appreciated you.
My biggest regret is going over after I had a vomiting bug. What was I thinking. Obviously I didn't think I was contagious anymore. Then mum and Rachel got sick and then you!! I have never felt so awful in all my life. To this day I still think maybe it's all my fault. You ended up so skinny and malnourished... maybe that sent you downhill. The drug was working and then you just got so sick and skinny. Words can't explain the guilt I feel.
The self protection mode of not letting myself think or feel has gone. I feel heartbroken and think of you constantly. I replay moments in thr hospital over and over in my head. You struggling for each breath will never leave me. I remember thinking grieving for your loss would be less painful than watching you suffer. Each hospital visit I felt sick. My stomach was in knots. It was unbearable. And then you took your breath and that was just as unbearable. What I would give to hold your hand. Kiss you
Hug you.
I dream about you often. Some good and some not so good. I hope you continue to visit me in my dreams. I never want to wake up from the good dreams.
I have been watching the ice skating and one of the couples skated to With or without you by U2. I like to think it was a little sign from you.
I'm heartbroken dad, but I keep going for the 2 beautiful grandkids you have, Sienna and Hudson, and the rest of our amazing and beautiful family.
I love you dad.
Becky gave a flower for Ronald (Ronnie) Lock